


but weigh this moment with a future of your dreams no longer there

by falsemurmur



Category: Lost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-18
Updated: 2009-12-18
Packaged: 2017-10-04 12:35:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falsemurmur/pseuds/falsemurmur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>It hurt to think that he made his choice, but eventually, it was an obligation he had to stick to, but in the darkness with that explosive all she knew was that he made his choice on a daily basis, even after </em>they<em> returned.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	but weigh this moment with a future of your dreams no longer there

**Author's Note:**

> vague spoilers for the finale. enjoy.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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[Missy Higgins](http://www.last.fm/music/Missy+Higgins) \- [Falling](http://www.last.fm/music/Missy+Higgins/_/Falling) | Powered by [Last.fm](http://www.last.fm/)  
  
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**Entry tags:**|   
[character-centric: juliet burke](http://community.livejournal.com/wings_for_craft/tag/character-centric:+juliet+burke), [pairing: james/juliet](http://community.livejournal.com/wings_for_craft/tag/pairing:+james/juliet), [tv: lost](http://community.livejournal.com/wings_for_craft/tag/tv:+lost), [type: oneshot](http://community.livejournal.com/wings_for_craft/tag/type:+oneshot)  
  
  
_**but weigh this moment with a future of your dreams no longer there**_  
**title:**_but weigh this moment with a future of your dreams no longer there_  
**fandom: **LOST  
**summary: **_It hurt to think that he made his choice, but eventually, it was an obligation he had to stick to, but in the darkness with that explosive all she knew was that he made his choice on a daily basis, even after _they_ returned._  
**characters/pairings:** Juliet Burke, Juliet/~~James~~Sawyer  
**genre(s): **Angst/Romance  
**rating: **PG  
**note:** vague spoilers for the finale. enjoy.

~*~

“I love you,” she told him, not expecting anything. Really, she had predicted the long stare and slight parting of her lips at the words. Not that she had been thinking it over long. She had felt it, known it, for several weeks now. But it wasn’t pertinent or relevant news that needed to be spread. It was just her fact that was nice and snug in the same chest that thought about the world off the island. She loved him, but it wasn’t killing her or making her feel small in his eyes, so the words weren’t always on the edge of her tongue.

One evening she simply butt the back of her rifle into the head of a man who had his gun pointed at Sawyer’s chest, and after a breath and putting the rifle at her said, she told him, “I love you,” with a small smile and nod, and proceeded to grabbing some rope to tie the attacker’s hands behind his back. And Sawyer took his little moment to stare for a bit and be left speechless, and then he went on as well, helping Juliet tie his attacker up. If anything, she expected only that much from him - for him to continue treating her as his equal and not some lovelorn child.

All it took was a millisecond for the truth to race through her mind, and she didn’t even have to make a decision - and she didn’t the regret the words then, and she wouldn’t regret the words later.

*

He often came by the house she shared with Amy Lewiston, and Amy was never amused by the man’s sly smirk and verbal punches. She slipped some side comments to Juliet about _watching out for that one, because he had trouble written all over his face_. Juliet hardly gave her a shrug, because James could be troublesome and whatever else particular people did not like about him, but he wasn’t out to inflict anything in Juliet’s direction, because even if he was, she could take care of herself. Anyway, James visits were not friendly or anything of the sort. They were related to business and conversations about lives they lived and were going to live in another place in time, but not really. They were conversations of the lives they couldn’t live but could entertain if only for a good laugh and contemplation of the 70s.

*

It was over several cups of whiskey near a campfire with Miles, Jin, and Daniel that James pulled her aside, serious and intent on separating her and himself from the crowd of others. She laughed as he pulled her up from her seat on the sand and he placed his hand on the small of her back.

“What is it James?” she finally sighed after swallowing another laugh.

He tilted his head back and cracked a small smile.

“Sure been drinking quite a bit tonight,” he remarked.

She rolled her eyes and shrugged. “Not enough to make me forget.”

She was as sober as ever, Sawyer saw that; she had swallowed the drinks like juice, and they were equally as strong as bowls of water.

“I can’t keep coming by your house without ‘rousing suspicious, sweetheart.”

The tiny bits of alcohol that had infected her blood drowned her heart for the fraction of a second.

“That’s fine, James,” she replied without a second blink.

“Good. I told Lewiston that I’m moving in a week from now. She’s transferring quarters with Williams.”

“This a joke, James?” she asked, cocking her head.

“Won’t be that bad,” he simply said.

She clicked her tongue and took a deep breath. “James, I understand that we have to keep good cover, however--”

“Listen, I heard ya when you said those three little words, and I ain’t keen on keeping up house, but if it means us having our own quarters to speak freely with Jin and ‘em, I’ll do it. And if it’s going to be with anybody, it’s goin’ to be you. Got it?”

*

He didn’t say a thing--he grabbed a comforter, a blanket and a pillow, and headed to the extra bedroom of their house. And every morning, he’d fold his things, put them back in the closet, and give her a nice “morning’”.

It didn’t take long for him to say one day at breakfast, “you know, I love you” and he smirked at her as he shoved a spoonful of cereal into his mouth.

She made him two over-easy eggs, broiled a couple slices of bacon, and buttered white toast for him the following morning.

*

There were wisps of smoke she knew didn’t really exist, but she could feel them blow past her, almost taunting, but mostly feeling sorry for her.

But she was used to the trailings of ghosts that didn’t belong to her. Even in the unlived, she came second.

It was nothing to cry over, nothing to dwell on, nothing to break apart from.

She was Juliet Burke, and so long as she kept that closest to her chest, she was fine.

*

She asked about Kate once because she didn’t see the harm. She wasn’t being masochistic or insecure. She knew when she wanted to face something, and she wasn’t a runner.

“Had Kate remained, do you think you and she would be living to--?”

“It’da burned down in a day. She never could let the Doc go,” he said without flinching as he drank his beer.

“Jack could say the same in regards to her feelings for you.”

Sawyer scoffed and slowly turned his gaze on Juliet, and he set his beer down on the beach sand.

“Kate isn’t here. If she were, she’d be out there on the dock, walking the jungle, looking for Hurley and Sun and ‘em. And she’d never say it, except for when she was feelin’ real resentful or something, but for Jack especially.”

“But you would still love her.”

“I’m not sure that’s love, sweetheart, but it sure isn’t anything I _would_ like to find out. I got you and we’re good. No woulds or maybes there, that’s all I know for sure.”

If one thing was certain to her, it was that James was particularly good at making her smile.

*

Some way or another, she told him about that affair she had with a married man after she arrived on the island, and all he could say after a minute was, “you make choices, you stick with ‘em. Took me a good ten times to learn it before it finally stuck, but hey, I learned.”

The topic stayed between them a good while without being spoken about again, and really it was just one of a dozen little things they shared between them and helped to lighten the burdens.

Some time would pass before he would verbally reiterate that he made his choice, _he made his choice_. But before the words spilled from his mouth, he told her a million times through encouragement and things such as kisses. She made her choice, too, a long time ago when that first sub rolled in. So maybe it hurt to think that he made his choice, but eventually, it was an obligation he had to stick to, but in the darkness with that explosive all she knew was that he made his choice on a daily basis, even after _they_ returned.

***

She kept every truth to herself, even though it burst at her sometimes, and she wanted to do was run, leave, because she knew what was coming.

A crashed, Ben sent a select few to scout them out, she and them would become _the Others_, and there’d be a war.

Eventually, as it was due to happen, she’d meet _him_. And she couldn’t really recall when they first met, even though she spent many days thinking it over. She wanted to be prepared, but not every detail of this life she had already lived was stored in her memory. Things escaped her, even him. How was she supposed to know then what he was going to become to her.

And she feared the moment a lot, hence her wanting to just leave.

Among the Others, she was the only one who knew what would happen. And what if she was the only one on the island who knew?

She blinked, and she was no longer in that hole, but rather on a patch of ground, a book in her hand, and the sun blinding her sight as a the sound of crashing plane shook her eardrums. She knew what was happening. And so she waited for once, hoping. But no one came for her. Things happened as they happened before. The same people died, the same people were outcast, and the same people were put on Jacob’s list. No one - not Jack, not Sawyer - came for her.

*

She wasn’t anyone to change what was, but she was someone who didn’t give a damn about fate.

So when she saw Sawyer, she didn’t tune herself into the reality of the present and the eyes of those watching.

She didn’t tune into anything, nor did she over-think the burning tips of her soul.

She whispered, “James” and walked toward him.

“Blondie,” he winked, and didn’t move a step. But when they stood toe to toe, he wrapped his arms around her, said in her ear, “gave us quite a scare there.”

She let out a small chuckle. “You made me wait.”

He pulled back his head and raised an eyebrow at her. “You ‘coulda made your way to us just the same.”

“I was waiting.”

“For Prince Charming to stroll in on his white horse? Sorry to disappoint blondie, but he didn’t quite make the hike.”

“Yes, James, that. What were you waiting for?”

He grinned and stroked her arm. “To raid this little house of village Ben had goin on. Couldn’t put you in danger by telling you what we were doing, sorry.”

Juliet looked around the area, now filled with scorched houses and scalded grass. Kate was yelling out orders at Hurley and Jin as they pulled in a small group of captured others, as beside her, Jack stood silent, a rifle hanging off his arm, breathing in the musty air.

“I understand,” Juliet nodded, eyes forming lines on the air interrupted by the skins of Kate and Jack that brushed. She drew her eyes back to Sawyer and smiled softly, “we should get to helping them.”

“Sure,” he nodded once, then said, “after this.”

He drew his hand in a lazy fist and rubbed it against her right cheek before pulling her in for a kiss.

They pulled back, gave each other knowing smiles, and after a brief _discussion_, conceded to head up north through the jungle to track down whatever others managed to escape.


End file.
